being an ass on the internet.

i know, this topic is picked to death.
but that dosent change the fact that people still act like idiots.
i joined a bdsm forum/sosical site (against the warnings of my friends), just to see what it was like.
i just could not believe that it was as bad as people say.
boy was i proven wrong!
one guy sent me EIGHT identical messages about how interesting my profile is (i didnt fill out my profile) and when i finaly told him where to shove it the fucker got snippy at me!
another site i joined thats mainly for gay people got me four sleazy messages from men old enough to be my dad, and that was just the first day.
the only exeption to this is fetlife, and i'm guessing thats because there arent that many norwegians there yet.
bluuurh.
Oh well!
Next week will be completely devoid of all things net and tv, and it will be fantastic!
Cant wait to get away with the people i love.

feeling empty

i should be happy, and the fact that i'm blue anyway drags me down even deeper.
there are lots of things to feel great about.
we're going to prague a week from today.
i am going to what looks to be an awsome larp in denmark this summer.
i have more love than i could ever dream of.
but its just not helping.
it could just be the pms of course, but the goddamn pills were supposed to at least lessen that.
not working!!!
my head feels like i'm wearing a hat five sizes to small, and i'm pretty sure cold sweat isnt a good thing.

The closest thing i will come to having children in a very long time.

I have two piggies and a rat with Hubby, and the Bf has two little piggies i see as my adopted darlings.
This is my oldest, named Fanitullen.
Is he not the absolute cutest little evil-looking fluffball?

The Gf and me posing.

So we went to a godawful shitty larp before christmas, and the only good thing to come out of it were these really rather nifty pictures.
The sexy hunk in the middle is my Bf.
Isnt he just to die for?

this is what happens when you hope.

you get your heart broken.again, and again.
i'm done.
no more.
it cant be fixed, and i cant take one more kick in the gut.
so i'm done.

ok.. so..

i've been put on sleeping pills by my doctor.
its a very, very mild type, actually a kind of allergy-medicine really, that doubles as a knock-out.
i'm willing to juuust about anything at this point to get a full night of undisturbed sleep, so i'll be starting on them tomorrow.
last time i was this tired.. i was 18, in a school i hated with a passion,and it ended with me a complete wreck. but this time i have real friends and a doctor that cares. so i'm hoping it wont go that far.
fingers crossed all around please.

Can we do it?

Its so scary, even if its really a minor thing.
I've never been without it and I'm not sure how I will deal with this.
Yep, we're getting rid of the tv.
Or.. not really. Not the actual tv, just the expensive little box on top of it that gets the signal for the tv.
What this means is, I'm actually going to have to start thinking about what I want to see and downloading it instead of just mindlessly zapping the idiotbox.
It will save us about 500 pr month, with might not sound like much, but its a hefty sum for us.
I am convinced that this is a Good Thing for me.
Time for a change.
We can do it!

sooo.. ummm...

yeah..
yesterday wasnt so great.
my body kinda seems to be falling apart.
i've been having nosebleeds, upset tummy, cant keep my food down, and my mood is just all over the place.
i hate it when i'm screaming at hubby, especialy when i know he's trying to help, but i'm just so angry and i cant stop myself.
so i booked an appointment with my nice friendly understanding doctor.
(she is to nice, i bet you she eats babies or something)
maybe she can help me figure stuff out.
my enegy level is still completely busted, and my sleep-pattern is fucked beyond anything.
i go to bed no later than 23.30, because i'm so tired, but i usualy cant sleep untill much later, and then i keep waking up every time i turn over.
but i still wake up bright and early, no later than eight, and i'm up all day.
of course, since i'm so tired all day, i just sit around like a zombie, watching tv or surfing the net.
i wanna wake up. i wanna go out in the sunshine. i wanna feel alive again.
but its just not happening.

Pity me, sad and tragic creature.

yep. i'm rolling in it, and i dont care.
i feel really fucking sorry for myself.
i've been trying to save up for a new sewing machine for two years now.

http://www.amazon.com/Brother-SE350-Computerized-Embroidery-and-Sewing-Machine/dp/B001AQER4I/ref=sr_1_25?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1241445275&sr=1-25

it never happens, and at this point i dont think it ever will.
the price of it has gone down a huge amount, but since amazon dosent send stuff like that to norway, i have to use a shipping-company,
and they want about as much as the machine costs to start with to mail it here.
that machine would do so much for me its not even funny at this point.
i have so many plans and ideas that are just waiting for me to get a proper machine, but i might as well just scrap them all.
so i feel really fucking sorry for myself. and it feels kind of nice right now.
just for once in my life i wish something could go my way and i could get something nice that i need.