It hurt, and then i threw up.

But thats ok, because now my boobs look 16 again!
This is to perfect for words, really it is.
i cant hide the remote anymore, but in return i have the most amazing curvy, perky (horribly scarred,but that fades!!) breasts ever.
Both Hubby and BF have declared them the perfect size, a good handfull with a little left over.
i am so happy!!!
Now i just have to get through the mind-numbing boredom of two more weeks staying home and relaxing.
I WANT OUT DAMMIT!!!!





also, the scars itch like a motherfucker.

Off to the hospital.

Well, here i go!
I'll be back when I feel well enough to sit up.
*great big huggles to everyone*

Soon now.

I'm a complete one-track these days.
And I'm so fucking scared.
What if it goes wrong?
I know it wont, but tell that to my nerves.
Wrote my sort-of will today, just to be on the safe side.
Its in my red notebook in my purse.
It sucks, and I probably forgot all the important bits/people/etc.
But I feel a little better for at least putting something on paper.
I love you all so much.

So close i can almost touch it.

Got my post-surgery bra yesterday.
It fits ca 1/3 of my current boobage.
This is starting to scare me. Quite a lot.
But the positive will ALWAYS outshine the negative on this topic.
Also, I'm going out with a bang.
Cant wait for the party this weekend!
All my wonderful, kinky, perfect friends will be there and I will get some good memories before all the blargh.
Oh, and the BF has a concert this friday, and that will be awsome.
He has such a great voice! It just makes me feel all tingly.
Only thing I'm kinda sad about is not being able to see Hubbys GF before monday.
Really wish she could be here, she always knows how to make me calm down.

The day i wanna sleep though.

Tomorrow is the one day a year i could really,really do without.
But i'm sure i'll get though it this year as well.
Its been 11 years and march 14 still hurts as deep as hurt can go.
i miss him so fucking much. not the guy he was at the end, not all the shitty, fucked up horrible bits.
but i miss my daddy. the way he was when i was little.
i guess its hard to understand for the people that never met him and only know him through my problems. but he was still my daddy. and i loved him.

bluuuurh

Sometimes I wish I was born male. Then I wouldnt have to deal with my own body torturing me one week pr month till I'm 50.

Having been laid out on the sofa with PAIN the last few days, I've had lots of time to think.
So now I'm going to bother you all, my faithful readers with a bunch of completely random garbled nonsense.

- I want to lose 10 kg. I have plans to start working out after the surgery.
I just hope this time I can really get it the fuck done and stick to it.

- Some people apparently feel the need to go where they are not wanted.
Why they do this is completely beyond me. Is it an attempt to push others away?
Are they trying to prove something? The gods only know, I have given up at this point.

- Is there some alternative to potato-chips out there? Some salty nummy miracle that can take away the cravings, with zero carbs and nasty stuff.

- Why do I sabotage myself? I know I do it, but I cant stop.

- I know what I want to do, I even know the way to get there. Its just to scary.

- I hate you. Gods I hate you. If I could get away with clawing your eyes out, I would do it. The world would be a better place without you in it.

- And then.. there is the one I miss. So fucking much.

- I want to do SOMETHING. Something big! Just get it done and take everyone by surprise.



there. enough.

Little bits of happy.

Slept for three hours last night.
my period-cramps are back in full force because i've had to drop the pill before the surgery.
i'm all alone (and you all know i HATE that).
And yet...
Its one of those oddly wonderful days.
i have the strongest feeling that something wonderful and unexpected is just around the corner.
Soon now, i'll turn around and there it will be.
Silly, huh?