An update of sorts.

So its been a week. Quite frankly the worst week of my life.
I've been through shit before, but this tops it all by miles and miles.
The old thoughs of cutting and purging have come back in full force, though I'm not acting on them like I would have used to, so I suppose that means I'm stronger than I was.
Friday night was the hardest.
I went of on Hubby and the Gf for absolutely nothing, and then ran off outside.
Ended up by the river, seriusly considering just throwing myself in,
just to try and make the pain stop.
Obviously I didnt, but just the fact that I thought about it scares the living shit out of me.
I dont think I would have made it without Hubby and the Gf though.
They have been so good to me, I have absolutely no words, sticking with me when I've broken down again and again.
Last night was the first time I got a full nights sleep.
Today was the first time I've been able to eat proper food.
Hubby helped me to the shrink today.
I'm starting on anti-depressants either next week or the week after.
She also talked about the possibility of comitting myself for intensive help if I dont get better.
That scared the shit out of me, but I'm sort of seeing the logic in it behind the fear and loathing.
I dont want my problems to wear out my loved ones.
On the other side, I'm worried of the stigma, and how people will treat me if I am actually comitted.
Maybe we can just see it as a spa for the crazy?
I just want to get through this and then get better again.
For myself.
Because I'm worth getting better for.