Can we do it?

Its so scary, even if its really a minor thing.
I've never been without it and I'm not sure how I will deal with this.
Yep, we're getting rid of the tv.
Or.. not really. Not the actual tv, just the expensive little box on top of it that gets the signal for the tv.
What this means is, I'm actually going to have to start thinking about what I want to see and downloading it instead of just mindlessly zapping the idiotbox.
It will save us about 500 pr month, with might not sound like much, but its a hefty sum for us.
I am convinced that this is a Good Thing for me.
Time for a change.
We can do it!

sooo.. ummm...

yeah..
yesterday wasnt so great.
my body kinda seems to be falling apart.
i've been having nosebleeds, upset tummy, cant keep my food down, and my mood is just all over the place.
i hate it when i'm screaming at hubby, especialy when i know he's trying to help, but i'm just so angry and i cant stop myself.
so i booked an appointment with my nice friendly understanding doctor.
(she is to nice, i bet you she eats babies or something)
maybe she can help me figure stuff out.
my enegy level is still completely busted, and my sleep-pattern is fucked beyond anything.
i go to bed no later than 23.30, because i'm so tired, but i usualy cant sleep untill much later, and then i keep waking up every time i turn over.
but i still wake up bright and early, no later than eight, and i'm up all day.
of course, since i'm so tired all day, i just sit around like a zombie, watching tv or surfing the net.
i wanna wake up. i wanna go out in the sunshine. i wanna feel alive again.
but its just not happening.

Pity me, sad and tragic creature.

yep. i'm rolling in it, and i dont care.
i feel really fucking sorry for myself.
i've been trying to save up for a new sewing machine for two years now.

http://www.amazon.com/Brother-SE350-Computerized-Embroidery-and-Sewing-Machine/dp/B001AQER4I/ref=sr_1_25?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1241445275&sr=1-25

it never happens, and at this point i dont think it ever will.
the price of it has gone down a huge amount, but since amazon dosent send stuff like that to norway, i have to use a shipping-company,
and they want about as much as the machine costs to start with to mail it here.
that machine would do so much for me its not even funny at this point.
i have so many plans and ideas that are just waiting for me to get a proper machine, but i might as well just scrap them all.
so i feel really fucking sorry for myself. and it feels kind of nice right now.
just for once in my life i wish something could go my way and i could get something nice that i need.

My monkey thinks that you're the bestest girl he's ever seen

Figuring out the wobbly bits.

As previously stated, its no secret that me and Hubby are polyamorous.
We've always had an open relationship, but its only the last few years that we've actually started to date other people, feelings and all.
Its been bumpy to say the least, and we had to learn communicating all over again.
Along the way we found out that we've grown apart in many ways.
The opinions we used to share 11 years ago have moved in different directions, and for a long time that was incredibly hard to accept.
Trust had to be rebuilt, but I can honestly say it only got stronger because of it.
And then there are all the new and exoitc problems...
For example.
The Bf snores, (so does Hubby btw) and Hubby cant sleep in the same room as him.
Our bed fits three people perfectly, but thats sort of worthless when one of them lies awake all night.
We tried the snore-spray thingy, (complete and utter crap), but that was a big flop.
So, then we are left with either the BF or Hubby sleeping on the sofa.
Thank the gods we can talk things out! Hubby actually insisted on sleeping on the sofa. I felt really bad for "kicking him out of bed", (wich I wasnt, but in my head.. oh well..)
In the end, everyone got their sleep and Hubby made me see that its ok that he sleeps on the sofa once in a while. (I'll be doing the same thing next time his Gf comes to stay.)

Hubbys Gf lives far away from us, and they spend time together via msn and such.
I know how much they miss each other and want them to get as much time together as possible.
So I try to give them space when she is here and not bother Hubby to much when they are chatting.
But I am high-maintenance at times and cant really do anything about that.
It just makes me feel even worse when I know that I'm "stealing" their time together.
Hubby is the best man in the world, and I know he cares about us both equally.
It just makes me feel bad that I get so much more time with him than the Gf, she deserves love and attention just as much as I do.


I've been reading up on Polyamory a lot lately, and something is REALLY bothering me.
I see people using terms like primary and secondary to describe their relationships, and that just gets my panties in a knot.
I would never, ever want Hubby to lable me as his primary.
Just because I happen to live with him dosent mean the Gf is any less important!
And because I happend to meet the Bf at a later point in life dosent make me love him any less.
Gah!
But I guess people need their little lables to make sense of the world.

Me, I choose to love all my significant others equally, and that makes me damn happy.
So there.

Yes? YESYESYES!!!

I found it!!
The themesong for Hubby and me.




I do wonder what the neighbours think sometimes.
Its very obvious that there are four people in this relationship, and I'm fairly certain they are confused as to who really lives here.
But its all good fun really.
The sales-girl at the grocery store smiles at me no matter who I'm shopping with.
(I kiss all my significant others in public)
Life could not be better in that departement.

So tired.

My energy-level is at an all time low these days.
I'm completely and utterly bored to death, but the thought of doing anything besides sitting on the sofa and zapping the idiot-box makes me cringe.
I feel so dull, so flabby and disgusting.
Gaaaah!