More ups and downs.

I'm having fun. Lots and lots of fun.
The sex is great, the company even better.
The rest of the summer is filled to the brim with awesome plans, all of it involving my favorite people.
The pills have made me more relaxed, more confident, less prone to doubting myself.
But sometimes, when I'm alone, I still think to much.
Then the whole thing feels like a glaze, covering me, covering up the rot and the stink of me.
I dont want to go back to the way I was.
I dont want to be scared all the time, I dont want to cling and doubt and push everyone away with my neediness.
I want to be strong on my own, for myself.
I have an addictive personality, I've written about that before, and its something I have to fight against every day, and I do.
Its always worth it, but sometimes it so fucking hard and its all up hill, all the time.
There is light though, and hope, and love.
Otherwise I would'nt be here any more.