The scary, scary pills.

So my doctor put me on a new type of pill to combat THE DIZZY.
I adore my doctor (even hubby likes her and he hates doctors more than me).
I'm always wary of new medicine, so I always read the sideffects bit in the info-leaflet.
These.. oh boy.. The nicest bit was severe drowsiness (boy did we get that one!) and the worst was.. I'm not joking here!! "sudden unexpected cardiovascular death*.
Chew on that one!
So I've spent the last 6 days i a semi-coma.
If you've tried talking to me, I apologize.
I've been "out".
But tonight, I woke up!
No more dizzy!
I redid the livingroom. I dusted lots of dust! (and wooohee there was a lot of it)
But now I'm scared.
What if it goes away again?
I feel so good, it would be a million times worse if THE DIZZY came back now.
So I'll keep taking the lovely,scary little pills and hope that I can go on feeling as good as I do right now.

girls... goddamn girls!

I know I harp on about this topic, but it just seems to stalk me no matter what I do.
Is it so terribly wrong of me to hope for a nice girl that means what she says, dosent flake at the drop of a pin and actually cares about me and my feelings?
Bleh.
Maybe if I just give up looking someone nice will simply fall into my bed.
It worked 11 years ago, no reason it shouldnt work again!

Like they've never seen a human before.

So i shaved my head.
Not completely bald, there is about half a cm or so left.
i did it because its something i've never done before, my hair was completely fucked from bleach/dye, and as i always say, if you cant mess around with your hair, what can you mess with? it will grow back.
What i hadn't thought about was the reaction of.. well.. pretty much everone but my friends.
People stare.
They point and whisper.
One guy driving past me actually slowed down and leaned over to get a good look.
ITS JUST HAIR! FFS!
Really?
Is it that strange to see a girl with short-short hair?
Oh well.
If i ever decide to tattoo clown-makeup on my face, at least i'll know what to expect.

Tomorrow always holds hope.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.


http://www.teamhope.com/seuss.htm

Maternal instinct, a rant.

I loathe my ovaries.
Sounds harsh, right?
They give me nothing but trouble and misery.
If I could have my tubes tied tomorrow, I'd do it.
My period is terribly late. (i'm not pregnant, i took the test twice)
If you've spent a day with me, you'll know how strict I am with myself about taking my birthcontrol-pills. I might forget everything else, but the pill is taken every day at 12, no exeptions.
I digress...
My problem is, no matter what I do, that pesky maternal instinct keeps coming back to kick me in the gut.
From a logical standpoint I know I could not be further from being ready to becoming a mother.
My whole life is structured in such a way that a baby would be the biggest mistake ever.
But I cant help it.
I see someone on the street with a baby and.. well, it really feels like someone is kicking me in the stomach.
*sigh*
A part of me was actually hoping for the test to be positive. I hate that part.
Its not fair.
Not to me, not to my life-partners.
And now, if you'll excuse me gentle reader, I'm gonna go cuddle with my darling ratties.
If the way I raise them is any indication of how good a parent I'd be then someone will come take the aforementioned ovaries away tomorrow.
Spoiled brats...