Easing my way back in.

I can't belive it, but I'm going on... a DATE!
With a real, live... GIRL!
And she asked me out!
I'm running out of exclamation points here!!!
I'm so full of nervous energy it's coming out of my ears.
So I'm cleaning the living room, cleaning the fridge, doing laundry, doing dishes, vacuming, dusting, sorting books and just generally running around in a tizzy.
SO FRIGGIN' NERVOUS!!
*mip*

Summer's over.

Or at least it feels like it is.
It's been a whirlwind of fun. Larps, traveling, parties, good friends, and all the strawberries I could get my grubby paws on.
But now it's time to try and be a grown-up and do battle with the unemployment-office monsters again.
So I'll strap on my thickest hide and get ready for the trenches again.
Wish me luck?

Counting down- 11 days until the Hospital.

And I am so friggin' nervous. But at least it can't get any worse than it is right now. I just want the burning pain to let up for five minutes. To not feel like a leper. To be touched.

Lost and angry and sick.

This is not my fault. I refuse to yet again take the blame for something I did not cause. Your problems are your own, and I will not carry them for you. Trying to dump your shit on me is.. well... shitty! Get the fuck over yourself and leave me alone. Now excuse me while I go throw up my dinner from todays fourth panic-attack. Shithead.

What to do...

Other than press f5 over and over and over, waiting for that jolt that comes with the little red number that says, yes, she wrote back.
I feel so stupid, but the jolt is addictive.
It's better than caffeine, better than sugar-rush, better than rollercoasters and driving too fast.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears.

I like spring. Spring is good. I wake up and stuff.
This winter was easier than last, but I've still been zombie'ing around.
Vacation was awesome, sun and warmth and family.
I'm getting better at being alone, so that's good.
Life meanders on, and I stumble along.

I was supposed to go do stuff.

Can't for the life of me remember what it was though.
I've been sick for a week now, fever, my body rebelling in every way it can, and I am just *so* tired.
Not being able to do anything much besides semi-dozing on the sofa gives one time to think.
I've been thinking about death, mostly.
No, I don't want to die, I've just been pondering the topic.
Delightfully emo, yes?
I've also been having the strangest dreams, really vivid ones, about my own funeral.
Odd stuff.
I do wonder though, what it will be like.
Right. This is going nowhere, exept back to bed.
Good night.